Letters To August—1

I feel like I’ve been waiting for you for so long. There’s a lot of history between us. What makes you different isn’t my birthday that you bring every year, that is just your party trick,you are a trickster. You taunt me with death daily and as I am about to give up, it’s my birthday and there’s fake support from people that forgot me for a year,people that will forget about me until its my birthday next year. 

Every year as you arrive you bring reinforcements—my anxiety gets worse, most days I can’t get out of bed or eat or sleep, I can’t pretend like I’m happy the way I  have done for 11months before you. 

August, you are a lover that leaves me feeling worse everytime. You leave me wishing I never get to see you again. You come back everytime with a smirk on your face, as if you know I am not strong enough to die. 

August, I wonder if you will be different this year.

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